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rosa_acicularis) wrote2008-02-21 01:55 am
Ficlet: Tall Tales 1/1
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Mickey Smith, Rose Tyler
Rating: All Ages
Disclaimer: Nothing you see belongs to me.
Spoilers: Series Two.
Summary: A bit of friendly conversation just before The Rise of the Cybermen.
“—and then they made me their queen. Gave me a headdress and a scepter and everything.”
Mickey crossed his arms over his chest. “You,” he said stoutly, “are making that up.”
Rose laughed and bumped her shoulder against his, her hair fanning over the back of the jump seat. “I’m not, Mickey, I swear I’m not.” She turned to the Doctor, who was preoccupied with a series of stubborn knobs on the TARDIS console. “Doctor, tell him.”
“Oh, she was queen, all right,” he said, eyes on the console monitor. “Believe me, I know – I was trussed up and served as the main course at her coronation banquet.”
Rose shook her head. “Which was just silly. No way a bony bloke like you could’ve fed all those people.”
He glanced up at her. “Oi!”
Mickey’s eyes were wide. “What’d you do? How’d you escape?”
The Doctor straightened and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, after Rose insisted that a queen of her caliber never dines on her best mate’s flesh without the proper sort of mustard,” both Mickey and Rose made disgusted faces, “she sat her royal council down in her royal chambers and explained very politely – still wearing the headdress, mind you—”
“I liked that headdress,” Rose muttered. “It had feathers.”
“And explained that she was not, in fact, their prophesied gift from the heavens of eternal wisdom in beauty’s guise, but rather a simple human shopgirl with an insane mother and a very fetching overbite.”
Rose tossed a book at his head. He ducked. “I am not simple.”
The Doctor grinned, his teeth brilliant even in the murky light. “Whether you are or not, it hardly seems to matter – don’t think I’ll ever quite figure you out.”
Mickey cleared his throat. “What happened after that?”
The Doctor turned to Mickey, blinking at him as if he couldn’t quite remember how the other man had gotten there. “After what?”
“After she told them she wasn’t queen material.”
“Oh, that.” The Doctor shrugged. “Then they tried to kill us, of course.”
Mickey frowned. “What, one moment she’s their gift from wherever and the next they’re trying to kill her?”
Rose shrugged, the rise and fall of her shoulders mimicking the Doctor’s exactly. “You learn not to take it personally.”
Mickey stared at them, his eyes darting from one manic smile to the other. “You’re both mad.”
She patted his arm. “Sort of goes without saying, don’t you think?”
The Doctor hopped onto the jump seat, squishing Rose between them, and his feet popped up to rest on the console. “Of course, it also goes without saying that for every planet that makes Rose their queen there are ten that revere me as a god.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “And for every ten that revere you, there must be a hundred that want to toss you in the dirtiest, dankest prison on the planet and leave you to rot.” She smirked. “Not to mention that city where I’m revered and you’re my fluffy-haired beanpole consort.”
“My hair,” the Doctor said with great dignity, “is not fluffy.”
She laughed and poked him in the chest. “I can think of three different hymns that claim otherwise.” She started to hum one under her breath, her lips curled in a wicked half-smile.
The Doctor met Mickey’s eyes over the top of her head. Wicked didn’t even begin to describe his expression. “Why, that’s an excellent idea, Rose. Wish I had thought of it myself.”
Rose stopped humming abruptly. “Wait, what?”
The Doctor leapt from the jump seat and began his dance around the console, switching switches and cranking cranks. “Next stop on young Master Mickey’s tour of the universe: the Sacred Temple of Our Blessed Biped Rose Marion Tyler, She of the Squeaky Trainers of Salvation, Most Pure and Holy Virgin—”
Mickey snorted. “Yeah, I bet.”
Rose shoved him off the jump seat and he stumbled to the grated floor. “Oi, shut it!” She glared at the Doctor, her expression fierce. “We are not going back there.”
The Doctor took Mickey by the arm and led him around the console. “Lovely people, the Worzels. Only place in the universe you can buy a t-shirt with our Rose’s rather fetching overbite printed on the front – one hundred percent preshrunk cotton, too, even if they do have an odd number of sleeves.”
Rose gripped the cushion of the seat beneath her until her knuckles turned white. “You’re joking,” she said through her teeth. “There’s no way you’d take us back there. We’d be mobbed in seconds, and last time we only just managed to escape before—”
The Doctor swept away her objections with a wave of his hand. “Slap a pair of dark glasses and a hat on you and we’ll be safe as houses. Trust me.”
“Only just managed to escape before what?” Mickey asked. “What’d they try to do to you?”
The Doctor’s hands faltered on the controls, and even in the sea green light Mickey could see his face go slightly red. “Oh, nothing. Well, mostly nothing. Well, a bit of a something. A bit of a goddess and her fluffy-haired consort sort of something.” When he looked up again his grin was a little frayed at the edges. “Nothing for you to worry about, Mickey my man. Did I mention that the
Rose buried her face in her hands. “Oh god.”
Mickey found himself intrigued. “A sculpture garden?”
The Doctor’s expression was positively rakish. “Containing the very best specimens of local flora, amongst which you’ll find many a worshipful stone rendering of Our Most Comely Saviour. It also includes a fine collection of very flattering – if somewhat inaccurate – nudes.”
Mickey’s eyes narrowed. “And how,” he asked slowly, “would you know the difference?”
There was a tense silence during which Rose and the Doctor very carefully avoided each other’s eyes. “Button!” the Doctor shouted suddenly, making Mickey jump. “This button, right here.” He pointed to the console. “See it?”
Mickey nodded. “‘Course. What about it?”
“Push it.”
He did, and the Doctor spun away, pulling levers and tugging at wires. “Brilliant. Now, hold it down.” The Doctor bounced onto the jump seat again, sliding his arm along the back and behind Rose's shoulders. “Speaking of inaccuracies – Rose, do you remember that time when we were trapped in the Library of Alexandria—”
She laughed, her embarrassment quickly forgotten. “Oh, and that alien elemental thingy got so peeved every time you corrected his grammar! I was sure we were going to end up charbroiled. Like the time we had lunch on that space station—”
Mickey Smith was not a man of many regrets, but he would always wonder just how inaccurate those sculptures might have been.
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Indeed! I've always loved that gag, and was quite pleased when I thought of a way to steal it on Rose's behalf.
Thanks for reading!
;)
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(Anonymous) 2008-02-21 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)HEE.
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HEE.
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And if you don't think that's difficult to do, my kidneys have a fetching little tap-dance number they'd like to demonstrate.
Seriously, inaccurate ? Trainers of Salvation ? I love you and your brain.
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I love you and your brain.
Aw. My brain is so happy now. Thank you!
;)
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I love Mr. Mickey.
You are delightful, as always. A veritable goddess of fic!
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Ooh. Does that mean I get a temple? I'd like to have a temple.
Thanks for so much reading, as always.
;)
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And what about those nudes?
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XD Very amusing. This was great, though now I need to know what happened on that planet, exactly! Love the way you wrote the interaction.
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I was half-surprised Mickey didn't point out any inaccuracies during The Stone Rose as a way of getting up Ten's nose... and now the tables are turned!
I suppose one could chalk it up to a perfectly innocent, well, sort of innocent, well, not really innocent but able to be explained away as if it were innocent episode where the Doctor insisted that because Rose had seen his when she'd changed him into Howard's jimjams that he had every right, nay, the duty to see hers. XD
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I can imagine him selling it that way - "It is imperative, Rose, that I see you in your knickers. The safety of the planet - of the very universe itself - hangs in the balance. Also, I'm never going to shut up about it so you might as well just strip now and save yourself the headache."
Or something like that.
;)
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Oh dear! LOL!!! This was my favorite line of this adorable story.
I loved the oblique reference to The Loofa Incident too! :D
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And this certainly could be taken as a sequel to The Loofah Incident, couldn't it? Hmm. Very interesting...
Thanks for reading!
;)
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Mickey’s eyes narrowed. “And how,” he asked slowly, “would you know the difference?”
Obviously, sex has been sapping the Doctor's superhuman powers of making!stuff!up to confuddle the wee humans. XD
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Thanks so much for reading!
;)
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I loved this; just the right amount of snark from the Doctor and yet a hint - “And how,” he asked slowly, “would you know the difference?” - of something far deeper between Ten and Rose just beneath the surface (sub-text, gotta love it).
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Oh, that was just gorgeous. :)
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Thanks for reading.
;)
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... More fic soon pls? (Life, what's that?)
But a compliment for you, because you just gifted me with an emotional cardiac arrest: that's what I love about your fiction, in a nutshell. Whether your stuff is silly or oh-so-dark or painful (or inspiring), you articulate with such incredible vividness that you clearly imagine and/or live in high definition. :-) ... You're making me want to upgrade my brain - is that a bad sign? ;)
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Not sure. Who has taught me to be wary of 'upgrading' - the new cybernetic suit is quite shiny and pleasing to the eye, but I doubt I've the proper temperament to enlist in an army of metal men bent on global domination.
But hey - at least you'd get to travel. ;)
Thank you for all the nice things you say! It makes me blush, it does.
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Oh Ten. Oh Rose. And poor Mickey!
Inaccurate statues, indeed.
As usual, something I could most definitely see happening, the character's voices were ideal, you give us just enough details, you point out these great little movements the character's make that tell us just as much as the dialogue does, and also as usual, my mind boggles at the awesome quirkiness that is your mind.
I think the day I stop loving your fics will be the day Mickey finally sees those statues. *Pets Mickey*
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I bet it had something to do with the "bit of a goddess and her fluffy-haired consort sort of something"!
Wonderful story. All of yours are.
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We try to review all of the nominated stories in each round, and in today's post we've featured your story (http://community.livejournal.com/cot_reviews/15409.html). Please feel free to stop by and look.
I personally enjoyed your story very much, and it was a joy to review.
Congratulations again, and good luck!
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